to be or not to be

Prompted by my son-in-law's conviction to participate not at the polls, I've been reflecting on my personal history of political movement. While my vote represents an opinion about the government or the people representing me, I have far too many of those (opinions), exercised way too often. It's not like I relish all my rights all the time either. I have the freedom to employ a pilot to drop me out of her plane in a parachute and then fly off without me, but I've not done that yet.

The responsibility of voting can be exhilarating and burdensome. It means I've had to decide some things and make some guesses too. It takes time to agonize over the choices. I might eat the same breakfast every morning because it was a good decision once and requires little thought to repeat; well, I've voted that way too. Considering how I will cast my vote has created excitement in a grass roots cause and inordinate anxiety about what will happen next in the world if I personally pick the wrong person. It's led me to lean on my own understanding or vent my fears instead of relying on what God has in mind. And if I presume to know what God has in mind, then my vote has taken on a morally superior direction, as if my way can be the only right one. Elections aside, that attitude makes me dangerous.

I suppose I have voted for some good reasons but for poorer ones too. I have showed up at the poll fixating more on remembering how to operate the curtain or the funny pen, will I recognize the ballot or will I make a fool of myself by forgetting my own name or making a forbidden noise? I've pulled the lever for a straight ticket or selected all the underdogs. Matched up every Republican with a corresponding Democrat and then tossed in an Independent perspective. Or worried that I was taking too long. I've seen some regrettable things happen when decisions were coerced for the sole purpose of unity so I value--and vote for--diversity in government.

The vote is one thing I won't be able to return if I have buyer's remorse, but I have another crack at it in a few years. Noticed how that pendulum of power swings? Reporters stretch, spin, and repeat the "news" to fit the advertiser's format. I suffer them a bit, but I prefer a more objective consumer reports approach. It's easy to get hung up on what politicians say they will do but unless the shoe fits like a glove, there's plenty of wiggle room for anything to happen. It reminds me of all the careful homework I did to prepare to be a parent and then once the kiddies arrived, the best laid plans changed dramatically. Book learning just didn't hold up to bathwater.

Some years I've procrastinated, waiting for some drama that would make up my mind or if it rained or I had a better excuse, then I stayed home. I could still cheer my team on by watching the returns, but like the football game between two celebrated rivals, the results were out of my control no matter how hard I hollered.

Of all the votes I have or have not cast, after it's over I move on and don't usually obsess which side I was rooting for. It seems to be working out in the end. (I still have a Perot button to remind me about that one time.) The great thing about being an American citizen is that I have the precious freedom, like the freedom to worship, that can't be forced on me or extricated by others more pious making me feel guilty if I do or don't.